It was your choice. Your decisions to be good, reliable, like put in the manual by unknown semidivine person. But it never works. Because nobody cares.
It was obvious for you from the beginning however you persisted. So here is your prise. Disappointment. Depression. Burnout.
But what if it`s just a game? What if it can be played on, not suffered?
What if there is no need to suffocate yourself in artificial feeling of gilt. Just because you are not enough intellectual, or your language is not enough sophisticated, or whatever stupid shit you gona buy yourself in.
What if you can just have fun with other people like you. Just a talk. Just a presentation. A common movement shared in life.
It will go and nothing lefts. Just a memory. And then it will go either.